 Thanksgiving is a time to be grateful, but also a time that reminds me of loss in my life. Can one be thankful amidst loss? I believe we can, and should be thankful even in hard times.
Harder question - can one be thankful FOR loss? It was Thanksgiving season when I experienced the loss of my first child. It was Thanksgiving season when my family made a hard decision about moving to a new church due to some heartbreaking circumstances. It was Thanksgiving season when my mom's health started to decline quickly due to bone marrow cancer that took her life. Thanksgiving starts the holiday season, which is a yearly reminder of the broken relationships and brokenness in general in my family. I can be thankful THROUGH all of these circumstances and memories. But can I be thankful FOR them? Yes. In Romans 8:28 God says that He works all things together for good. It is a promise that has held true in my life, and in yours even when you don't see it. The loss of my first child ultimately led me to come to know Jesus. I was without hope when she died, and that began a search for answers that led me to salvation 7 years later. I am thankful. Moving churches brought new friendships, support, encouragement and opportunities to serve as we learned to call a new church "home". I am thankful. My mom's death was a difficult loss. Through that season, I learned much about God's sovereignty. He holds eternity in His hands, and He knows. I am thankful. Every loss I have suffered as a mom has been an opportunity to learn much more about God's grace. Were it not for the grace He has extended to this undeserving sinner, I would not be able to extend it to my family. I am thankful. We can be thankful for our losses, not because they make US stronger but because they reveal our weakness and need for Jesus. As we surrender our will and life to Him, we are transformed and made closer to His image. Our losses are intended for our good, and for God's glory. They lead us to hope! Are you thankful amidst and for your struggles this Thanksgiving? “We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame.” Romans 5:3–5
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This is the first post in a new series written by one of our counselors-in-training, Judy Johnston.
As a mother, I perfected the art of lectures (picture my adult children nodding knowingly). I developed good lectures, pithy lectures, truth-filled lectures and yes, even guilt-inducing lectures. Did these lectures produce the fruit of repentance in the hearts of my children? Occasionally, by God’s grace, they did. But more often they produced distaste and rebellion. I wish I had known then how helpful the art of questions could have been to my parenting (except for maybe that one question no child can answer: “Why did you do that?”) Engaging and revealing questions could have helped me disciple my children with truth in a way that may have revealed my children’s hearts and opened their ears more effectively. My need for wielding artful questions didn’t end with parenting. I’ve found it to be a hallmark trait for a good friend, a considerate spouse and a Bible study teacher. Now, because I am going through training to become a certified biblical counselor, I see it will also be a valuable tool in my counseling. Seasoned counselors role-modeled good questions for me in the training sessions. I encountered compassion-draped and discerning questions in books by Bob Kelleman. David Powlison’s heart-revealing X-ray questions convicted my own heart. So how do I learn to ask good questions? Nothing brings this rubber-to-the-road question home like sitting in a room with a new counselee. After my first session, I asked myself, “How do I get to the heart of the matter? What do compassionate questions sound like? How will I listen well if I don’t know how to open the door to my counselee’s life with good questions? How will I discern the wrong thinking of my counselee if I haven’t honed the precise yet sharp-edged tools to separate out subterfuge from real attitudes? More importantly, how will I disciple my counselees to ask good questions of themselves so they will learn how to counsel themselves from God’s Word? How do I help them grow into discerning believers able to tell when they are veering away from the truths God wants them to live for and by?” For answers, I look to the best question-asker of all time, Jesus. He is known for asking questions, one of the most revealing being: “Who do you say I am?” Can I use this question? I will need to if I am to discover what my counselee believes about Jesus. Their beliefs will guide their every decision, action and attitude. Will I ask every question Jesus ever asked? I better not. I need to understand the context of His questions to know how to rightly wield them. I certainly won’t need to ask, “Are there not 12 hours of daylight?” as Jesus did in John 11:9. But I may ask my counselee, “Do you understand what (Jesus) has done for you?” (John 13:12) What I can do is learn from Jesus how to love others through probing questions. I can learn to hear and discern. As I ask questions, I can help my counselee flesh out how their story fits into God’s redemptive story. With tender questions, I will have the opportunity to introduce them to the trustworthiness of our God as revealed in Christ through the gospel. I can also learn from other biblical counselors like Julie Ganschow who saw the need for this art and crafted a wonderful booklet called “Questions on the Heart Level” to help me engage my counselees. Above all, I will depend on the Holy Spirit to supply the wisdom and discernment to care for my counselee in a way that encourages their faith in Christ and brings glory to our God. Resources for Questions: Gospel Conversations by Bob Kelleman Seeing with New Eyes by David Powlison (Chapter 7: “X-ray Questions”) Questions on the Heart Level by Julie Ganschow Judy Johnston has recently joined the staff of Word of Hope Ministries as she completes her hours towards certification as a Biblical Counselor with the IABC. Word of Hope Ministries provides training to local and distance men and women who are interested in learning more about biblical counseling, and potentially becoming Certified Biblical Counselors. We can mentor you through the entire process. Please visit our website to learn more: www.wordofhopeministries.com |
Ellen Castillo
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