FOMO and No More Shame, Oprah's Help part 2

In the Oprah video I posted last time, she and a friend discussed things they felt guilty or sad about missing out on in their lives because of their obesity. The stories told were so sad to hear, but understandable and relatable, too. It stirred up some things I still needed to deal with and stop carrying around. I have many examples of important life events that I said “no” to because it was too embarrassing and uncomfortable to get on a plane, or too hard to climb up some bleachers, or too difficult to walk far enough to get somewhere, you get the idea. I lived for years with FOMO (fear of missing out) because I really did miss out. I blamed myself entirely for missing important parts of life.
 
To work on your compassion for people with obesity, listen to their stories (and mine) and imagine how their experiences have shaped how they navigate the world and how they feel about themselves. If you have judged someone rather than shown empathy, I hope you will do better moving forward.
 
Here’s one example from my history so that you see what I mean:
 
I once travelled with a friend who had made some comments about my weight, but I never acknowledged the pain her remarks caused me, and I chose to travel with her anyway. When we got on a plane, I said it was embarrassing to ask for the seatbelt extender and wished they were available without having to ask in front of everyone. My friend said, “You know, Ellen, it doesn’t have to be this way”. I felt shamed and just said, “Yeah, I know, but it’s harder than you realize”. But at the time, I also thought it was all my fault, that I was weak, that my faith was messed up because I couldn’t seem to change in any lasting way, and I took her words and used them against myself for years. Until I started on a GLP-1 and learned that obesity is a disease and that it was never, in fact, my “fault” or just a choice.
 
And here’s an example of missing out on life:
 
My brother passed away after we moved to Texas. He had cancer, and it wasn’t sudden, but it was really sad for me to lose him, and I miss him. His wife and kids are amazing people, and I miss seeing them now that we live several states away. My brother was an interesting man who deserves an entire post, but for this post, I will just say that he was honored by many, many people when he died. He was the Track and Field Director at a university and a well-known runner (he ran Marathon in the 1988 Olympics, in fact!) The college honored him, and there was a celebration of his life. It was a big event. My sister travelled to go to it.
 
I did not go. I wanted to go. I needed to go. I wanted to be there to see the impact his life had on others, and to say my own goodbyes to him. But, I wasn’t capable of traveling at the time due to my knees being so painful, my diabetes not being controlled, and generally not wanting to fly for a million reasons. I have felt regret that I did not make an attempt, all because of my obesity (before this weight loss or taking Ozempic.)
 
I can’t change things. I wouldn’t have been able to handle much of a trip like that, but I hate that I wasn’t there. I hate that I was afraid to try, but I also believed I really just couldn’t handle it. I did not mean to dishonor my brother or his family, and I hope they didn’t feel that way. But, it is what it is, and I was in a very different state of mind and in such poor health then. I am not the same now, in so many ways. I have a goal: once I am a little further along on this journey and my knee surgeries heal, I want to go to California to visit my sister-in-law, see the track where his name is honored, and have my own way of saying a more official ‘goodbye’ to my brother. I think that will be very healing.
 
Thanks to watching an Oprah podcast, I was finally able to acknowledge these feelings and say them out loud. I don’t blame myself today, but I did feel guilt and shame over not going in spite of my poor health and state of mind until recently. I have now let myself off the hook and am not wallowing in regret. I don’t take the blame, but I do still feel sad about what I missed.
 
Ozempic did not heal my heart’s grief and regret over missing my brother’s life celebration. Jesus did that. But the medication changed my brain in such a way that I gained clarity about my health, which changed my relationship with food, which changed my mental clarity so that I could stop accepting the shame of obesity and encourage others to do the same. I can stop accepting shame and guilt now, because of clarity and because of my faith. There’s no way I can stay in shame and still have a healthier life. No more guilt. No more shame. (And no more FOMO!)
 
If you carry any guilt or shame from obesity or anything else, please know that it is important to accept God’s love through His Son and believe that He bore that guilt and shame on the cross on your behalf. It’s amazing, really, and super freeing to say the least! (Some of you reading might think that sounds weird, or like a political red flag. I promise you that is not what being a Christian really is. Jesus is not portrayed accurately by a lot of what you are seeing in the name of “Christianity” these days. I stand with the marginalized and have compassion for them, because I have been there and am there.)
 
Let me know if you need someone to talk to about all this. I’m happy to do that. I have not “arrived” at some magical place on this work-in-progress journey, but I have progressed and would love to see others progress, too.