Mother as Mentor; It's Complicated

The first “mentor” we ever meet is our mother. I realize there are exceptions because of hard circumstances, but many people have a mother-figure in their lives at birth and through the rest of their lives.
 
Whether our mothers would have considered themselves a “mentor” or not, they really were our first such relationship.
 
If you are a mother, have you seen yourself as a mentor to your children? Whether you are intentional about it or not, you are a mentor.
 
According to the Britannica Dictionary:
”Mentor: someone who teaches or gives help and advice to a less experienced and often younger person.”
 
A mother fits that description! Many other descriptions of mentoring include statements such as “a mentoring relationship is generally long-term” and “often includes life skills and guidance”. If you have a mom or are a mom, I think you can see that a mother really is a type of mentor and the first mentor we encounter in life.

A mom as a mentor offers the potential for lifelong guidance as they shape their children’s character. They instill values and confidence. They help a child to grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. They are a child’s cheerleader and role model. As trusted advisors, they help their kids navigate life's hardships and learn to care about others. A Christian mom introduces them to the gospel and models how to love Jesus and live a life that reflects Him to others.
 
The type of mentor your mother was/is matters. Consider how your relationship with her shaped you. It can be complicated, can’t it?! Most lifelong relationships are complicated! The type of mentor you are as a mother also matters. Consider how you are shaping your children as you raise them, or how you relate to them as adults. These, too, are complicated relationships sometimes!
 
The Bible never pretends that family relationships are always simple. Scripture is filled with stories of brokenness, tension, loss, jealousy, disappointment, and pain within families.
 
Sarah struggled with infertility.
Hagar felt rejected and abandoned.
Naomi experienced devastating loss.
Hannah wept for the child she longed for.
Mary watched her Son suffer on the cross.
 
Even in the middle of those painful stories, God remained present.
 
One of the most comforting truths in Scripture is that God sees what others cannot.
 
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
 
For those of you who struggle with complicated feelings about your mother, you are not alone. For years, I wanted nothing more than to have my mom’s approval. To this day, I am not convinced that I had that. But before she died, I was able to come to terms with my relationship with her. Long story short, I learned to accept that I didn’t know much about her past. I am not certain what shaped her in a way that led to our complicated relationship. I never learned enough about her background to give me understanding, because she just did not share those things. I can only imagine she had some kind of hurts, disappointments, and other things that really had nothing to do with me. I learned to see her as the same as me - a woman and mother with struggles mixed with joys that shaped us into the women that we became. I forgave her and stopped taking it personally.
 
What kinds of things do you need to sort out when it comes to your relationship with your mom? Do you know when/why/how to forgive?
 
The first person you probably received true forgiveness from was your mom. Moms are often unconditional in their love for their children, aren’t they?
 
We are the first example of forgiveness to our children, too. That reflects the gospel, and that is what matters most. We also model imperfection, don’t we? With imperfection comes the need to see ourselves not as failures, but as daughters of God, wholly loved and forgiven, with an identity in Christ, not in how good or bad a mother we are. We are not capable of perfection, but we do not have to be! Jesus is perfect, and we wear that righteousness as believers.
 
I struggled as a younger mom with feeling like I was failing at motherhood, and I had regrets about a lot of things. MOM GUILT, we call that. I learned that God’s grace is enough to cover all that, He does not hold anything against me, and I am not in control over the things I felt guilty about. There is a remedy for guilt, and I needed and still need to be reminded of that. Applying the gospel to motherhood has kept me from staying stuck in regret.
 
What kind of mom-guilt are you experiencing? Do you know how to apply the gospel to that guilt? It is the only real freedom. If you are stuck, know that there is hope. Reach out to a trusted mentor, counselor, or spiritual advisor.
 
Let’s be grateful for our moms, even when the relationship is or was rough. God wastes nothing, not even a difficult relationship. He teaches us through those experiences to trust Him, accept our identity in Him, forgive others, and love others well.
 
Let’s also be grateful for the privilege of being a mom. Even if those relationships are rough, and even if things haven’t turned out the way you dreamed they would. Again, God won’t waste it in your life or in your children’s lives.
 
If this Mother’s Day is hard for you, you are not alone. Me, too. It’s okay to feel your feelings; it is necessary to feel in order to find some healing. The way that I do that is to revisit the gospel, what it means to me and my identity, and believe that I am fully loved, even if my experiences with motherhood in general have been complicated. None of those complications changes one single thing about who I am in Christ, and that heals my heart today.
 
It’s tempting to put our worth, hope, and identity in MOTHERHOOD.
 
Notice: not even one of these verses says that your worth, hope, and identity are found in having had a perfect mother or being a perfect mother. I looked but couldn’t find it.
 
New Creation (2 Cor 5:17): Old things have passed away, and the new has come.
God's Child/Heir (1 John 3:1, Gal 4:7): You are loved, adopted, and no longer a slave.
His Workmanship (Eph 2:10): Created for good works planned by God.
Chosen and Holy (1 Pet 2:9): A royal priesthood set apart to proclaim His praises.
Hidden in God (Col 3:3): Your life is secure with Christ.
Righteousness of God (2 Cor 5:21): Made righteous through Christ. 
United with Him (Gal 2:20): Christ lives in you.
Redeemed (1 Cor 6:20): Bought with a price; you belong to God.
Citizen of Heaven (Phil 3:20): Your ultimate home is not of this world.
Sealed (2 Cor 1:21-22): Anointed and marked by the Holy Spirit. 

I hope that Truth heals your heart today, too.
 Ellen