The Kindness Dare

*Why kindness is more than a nicety — and what it looks like when it's rooted in theology*

If you have spent any time in this space, you know that kindness is not just something I talk about. It is a core value of this ministry. It shapes how I write, how I mentor, how I show up in community. And it is not accidental. It is something I have had to think long and hard about — because true, biblical kindness costs something, and it is rarer than we might think.

Kindness is Under Pressure 
We do not have to look far to see that the spirit of our age tends toward harshness. Impatience. Dismissiveness. The quick comeback. The sharp edge. These things have seeped into our public conversations, our online spaces, and yes — into the church as well. I am not pointing fingers at anyone in particular. I am simply observing what I think most of us already feel: it has become harder to find spaces where people are genuinely, consistently, thoughtfully kind.

And that matters. Because kindness is not a personality trait reserved for soft-spoken people. It is not a cultural preference or a social nicety. For the follower of Jesus, kindness is a calling — and it has deep theological roots.
So let's dig in.

Kindness Begins with How We See People
Before we can talk about what kindness does, we need to talk about where it comes from. Because biblical kindness is not just a behavior — it is a way of seeing.

Genesis 1:27 gives us the foundation:
"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them."

Every person you will ever encounter — the woman who frustrates you in the meeting, the neighbor who never waves back, the church member who rubs you the wrong way, the stranger in line ahead of you — bears the image of God. The imago Dei. It is stamped on every human soul.

That is not a minor theological footnote. It is the reason we treat people with dignity. It is the reason we do not throw people away. It is the reason we slow down enough to actually see them — not as obstacles or inconveniences or problems to manage, but as image-bearers of the Living God.

When we look at someone through that lens, kindness becomes less of an effort and more of a natural response. When you truly see that the person in front of you is made by God, valued by God, and loved by God — it changes how you speak to them. It changes how you listen. It changes everything.

This is why kindness has to be rooted in theology, not just temperament. Temperament is inconsistent. Theology is not.

God's Kindness Toward Us: The Model We Follow
Here is the thing about God's kindness that I think we sometimes miss: it is not just warmhearted. It is purposeful.

Romans 2:4 puts it plainly:
"Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?"

God's kindness has a direction. It moves toward us not simply to make us feel good, but to lead us toward transformation. It is kindness in service of something greater than comfort — it is kindness in service of redemption.

Titus 3:4–5 echoes this:
"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy."

God did not wait until we deserved kindness. He extended it while we were still far off, still wandering, still unaware. His kindness was not a reward for good behavior. It was a gift extended in grace — and it changed everything.

This is the model we follow. Not kindness as a transaction — where we are nice to people who are nice to us. Not kindness as a strategy — where we are pleasant because it opens doors. But kindness as an overflow of what God has poured into us. Kindness that has a direction. Kindness that is willing to tell the truth when truth is needed, that stays in the hard conversation, that does not disappear when things get uncomfortable.

Ephesians 4:32 calls us to it directly:
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Just as. That phrase carries the whole weight of the gospel. We extend to others what has been extended to us. We forgive because we have been forgiven. We are kind because we have been shown kindness at great cost.
That is not a small thing. That is a life-shaping reality.

Kindness Is Not Weakness — It Is Strength Under Control
I want to address something directly, because I think it trips women up sometimes.

Kindness is not the same as being a pushover. It is not conflict avoidance dressed up in a gentle tone. It is not the inability to hold a boundary or speak a hard truth.

Proverbs 31:26 describes the woman of noble character this way:
"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue."

Wisdom. Faithful instruction. That is not the voice of someone who only says what people want to hear. That is the voice of someone who loves people enough to be honest with them — and does it with the kind of care that makes truth bearable.

True kindness can hold truth and grace in the same hand. In fact, it must. Because kindness without truth is not really kindness — it is just pleasantness. And truth without kindness is not really ministry — it is just correction.

Jesus modeled this perfectly. He was the One who welcomed the children and wept at Lazarus's tomb and had compassion on the crowd. He was also the One who told the woman at the well the truth about her life, who called the Pharisees to account, who flipped tables in the temple. He was, as John 1:14 describes, full of grace and truth — not one or the other, but both at once.

That is the target. That is what we are aiming for.

But I want to be honest about something here, because I think it matters — and because I think you may have experienced it too.

There is a line, sometimes a thin one, between the kind of truth-telling that is genuinely motivated by love and the kind that is dressed up in the language of accountability but is really something else entirely. One is kindness in the biblical sense — it may be hard to hear, but it holds the other person's good at the center. The other is self-serving. It uses correction as a cover for control, or critique, or the quiet satisfaction of being right. The words might sound similar. The manner might even look similar. But the motive is entirely different.

Motive is usually the thing that tells the truth about what is really happening. Are we speaking into someone's life because we genuinely love them and want to see them flourish? Or are we serving ourselves at their expense? It is not always easy to discern in the moment — especially when you are the one on the receiving end.

I have been on the receiving end of both motives. You likely have, too.

I have been treated with genuine kindness by many people over the years — people who told me hard things in ways that I could actually receive, because I could feel that they were for me. That kind of kindness leaves you better than it found you.

I have also been treated harshly by a few — people whose words came wrapped in the language of concern or correction, but whose manner was dismissive, whose tone was cutting, and whose delivery left wounds rather than healing. That kind of experience is painful. And it is not uncommon. It is, in fact, one of the more common reasons people seek out a counselor — not because life dealt them a hard hand, but because someone in the church, someone in spiritual authority or close relationship, handled them without care.

I share this not to dwell on old hurts, but because it is part of why kindness has become so central to everything I do in Bridge the Gap. My own experiences have shaped my deep conviction that the way we treat people in ministry and mentoring is not incidental. It is the ministry.

The manner is the message.

And I want this to be a place where women feel that.

Kindness in the One-Another Life
The New Testament is filled with what theologians sometimes call the "one another" commands — more than fifty of them, calling us to love one another, serve one another, bear with one another, encourage one another, pray for one another. They are not optional add-ons to the Christian life. They are the shape of it.
Kindness runs through all of them.

Galatians 6:2 tells us to:
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Burden-bearing requires proximity. You cannot carry someone's burden from a distance. You have to be close enough to notice the weight they are carrying, close enough to ask, close enough to stay. That kind of closeness is only possible when kindness has created a safe enough space for people to be seen.

This is especially true in mentoring. When an older woman comes alongside a younger woman — or when any woman opens her life to another in spiritual friendship — kindness is not just the backdrop. It is the very medium through which wisdom travels.

Think about it this way: a mentor can have decades of godly wisdom. She can know Scripture, have walked through trials, have hard-won experience to offer. But if she is not kind — if her tone is critical, her manner is dismissive, or her presence feels unsafe — that wisdom will not be received. The younger woman will hear the words, but she will not open her heart to them.

Kindness opens the door.

Proverbs 16:24 puts it beautifully:
"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

Gracious words do not just communicate information. They bring healing. They carry something the recipient needs beyond the content of what is said. That is the ministry of kindness in a one-another relationship — it holds the message in a way that makes the message receivable.

And that is why kindness matters so much in community. In a mentoring relationship, in a small group, in a ministry team, in a friendship — kindness is the condition in which growth happens. It is not fluff. It is not peripheral. It is the environment that makes everything else possible.

A Word About the Moment We Are In
I said at the outset that kindness is under pressure. I want to come back to that — not to despair over it, but to name it clearly so we can respond with intention.

We live in a world that rewards certainty and punishes nuance. That celebrates the crushing comeback and sidelines the patient listener. We have watched that spirit drift into the church, into our conversations, into the way we sometimes treat one another online and in person. We can see it. We feel it.

And I think the response of the people of God is not to mirror that spirit, and not to retreat from it in silence — but to model something different. To be, as Jesus described, salt and light. To let our kindness be distinctive. Not naive, not passive, not agreement-with-everything — but genuinely, consistently, countercultural in the way we treat people.

First Thessalonians 5:15 is a quiet but powerful verse:
"Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else."

Always strive. That is the language of intention. Of effort. Of swimming upstream when necessary. Kindness in a harsh world is not passive — it is an act of resistance. A declaration that we belong to a different kingdom, operate by different rules, and see people through a different set of eyes.

That is not a small witness. That may be one of the most powerful things we offer the world right now.

So What Does This Look Like?
Kindness is not abstract. Let me bring it down to the practical.

It looks like pausing before you respond — in a conversation, in a comment thread, in a difficult moment — and asking: Am I about to reflect the image of God in this person, or am I about to forget it?

It looks like choosing words with care. Not performing warmth, but genuinely considering how the words you choose will land.

It looks like staying present with someone who is struggling, even when you do not have the perfect thing to say.

It looks like telling the truth — but telling it in the way you would want to receive it. With respect. With care. With the other person's good genuinely in mind.

It looks like forgiving the small offenses quickly, and giving grace generously, because you remember how much grace has been given to you.

It looks like showing up in someone's ordinary Tuesday, not just their crisis.

It looks like asking good questions and being willing to listen to the whole answer.

And it looks like doing all of this not because you are a naturally warm person, but because you are a redeemed person — one who has been on the receiving end of the kindness of God, and who cannot help but pass it on.

A Final Word
Let’s dare to be kind daily, and see what happens in our relationships and in our hearts.

Kindness is my core value for this ministry because I believe it is central to the gospel, central to the one-another life Scripture calls us to, and central to the kind of community where real growth happens.

But more than that — I believe kindness is one of the most needed things right now. Not sentimental niceness. Not conflict avoidance. But the deep, purposeful, truth-bearing, image-honoring kindness of God, poured through imperfect people who are trying, by His grace, to love one another well.

Colossians 3:12 gives us a beautiful picture of what we are called to put on:
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."

Chosen. Holy. Dearly loved. That is who we are. And kindness is something we put on — intentionally, daily, in response to who God has declared us to be.

May that be true of us — in our words, in our communities, in our mentoring relationships, and in every ordinary interaction that God places before us.

Because every person we encounter is made in the image of God. And that is reason enough to be kind.

Questions for Reflection:
1. Where in your life is it hardest to extend genuine kindness? What might be driving that?
2. How does seeing someone as an image-bearer of God change how you approach a difficult relationship?
3. In what relationship right now might God be calling you to offer kindness that opens a door for truth?
4. What would it look like for you to be a 'kind resistance' in the spaces you inhabit this week?

​Ready to take the dare? This free resource is a gift for you. Click on this image to download The Kindness Dare challenge — a free, printable bingo-style grid with fifteen simple, specific ways to live out kindness this week. Small things, real things, things that matter. Check off each square as you go, and see if you can get four in a row. It is a fun, practical way to take what you have been reading and actually do something with it. Print it, stick it somewhere you will see it, and let it be a gentle nudge toward the kind of kindness we have been talking about here. Share it with your mentee and talk about kindness together!

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