 If you haven't read the entire chapter of Titus 2 lately, now is a good time to get a fresh view of it. Maybe you’ve sat across from a younger woman and wondered what you could possibly have to offer her. Your life doesn’t look like a tidy testimony. Your marriage has had its hard years. Your faith has been tested in ways you don’t always talk about. You’re not a Bible scholar. You’re not a counselor. And yet — here she is, across the table, needing something you might not even realize you carry. Titus 2 has something to say about that. Not a polished, idealized version of you. The real you — the one who has walked with God long enough to have scars and stories and a faith that has been tested and held. There is a passage in Paul’s letter to Titus that women in the church have heard many times. It is quoted at mentoring luncheons, printed on bookmarks, and referenced in women’s ministry brochures. And yet, for all its familiarity, Titus 2:3–5 carries a weight that we have sometimes only skimmed the surface of. Paul instructs the older women to be “teachers of good things” — and then he names what those good things are: loving husbands and children, being self-controlled, pure, kind, working at home, submissive to their husbands. At first glance, it reads like a list of domestic virtues. Practical. Relational. Even a little ordinary. But look at why Paul gives this instruction. He closes the thought with a phrase that changes everything: “so that the word of God may not be reviled” (Titus 2:5, ESV). This is not a lifestyle column. This is sound doctrine in action. The Doctrinal Stakes of Ordinary Mentoring The passage sits in a larger context. In Titus 2:1, Paul tells Titus to “teach what accords with sound doctrine.” Then he maps out what sound doctrine looks like for different groups — older men, older women, younger women, younger men, bondservants. This is not a detour from theology. It is theology lived. What Paul understood, and what we sometimes miss, is that doctrine does not stay in the mind. It moves into the home, into the marriage, into the way a woman handles grief or conflict or disappointment. The older woman who has walked with God through decades of real life carries something the younger woman cannot yet possess: the proof that the Word holds. When she sits with a younger woman and teaches her — not just what to do, but why it matters, who God is, what He has proven faithful to do — she is guarding the credibility of the gospel. She is saying with her life: the Word of God is not reviled here. It is honored. It is true. She Is Qualified Before She Opens Her Mouth Before Paul ever assigns the older woman a teaching role, he describes who she is. Verse 3 says she is to be “reverent in behavior, not a slanderer or slave to much wine.” These are not afterthoughts. They are the foundation everything else is built on. Reverent in behavior. This is a woman whose life is oriented toward God — not just in what she believes, but in how she moves through an ordinary Tuesday. She is not performing godliness for an audience. She has internalized it. Not a slanderer. The Greek word here is diabolos — the same root used for the devil, the accuser. A woman who tears others down with her words cannot build up a younger woman with them. Her speech has to be marked by truth and kindness before her teaching means anything. Not enslaved to much wine. Paul is pointing at the broader category of self-mastery — the willingness to work on controlling her own appetites and impulses. A woman who cannot admit that she must work on her own struggles is not yet in a position to help another woman learn to do so. This is convicting, and it is meant to be. Titus 2 is not simply asking older women to show up and share their opinions. It is asking them to be women of genuine character — women whose lives are already, however imperfectly, pointing toward God. That is the soil from which real mentoring grows. Deeper Than Domestics We sell Titus 2 short when we reduce it to household tips and marriage advice. Not because those things are unimportant — Paul clearly thought they mattered — but because the deeper invitation is to formation. The older woman in this passage is being called to shape a younger woman’s understanding of what it means to be a woman of God. That includes the hard things. How do you love a husband who is difficult? How do you remain self-controlled when your emotions are screaming? How do you hold onto faith when life has been unkind? A mentor who only teaches surface-level skills leaves a younger woman equipped for the easy seasons and underprepared for the real ones. But a mentor who has suffered and stayed — who has doubted and returned — who can say “I have been in that valley, and God was there” — that woman teaches doctrine with her very life. She makes the gospel legible. The Younger Woman Has a Role Too We often read Titus 2 as a charge to older women and nothing more. But the passage implies something just as important on the other side: a younger woman who is willing to be taught. That is not as easy as it sounds. Receiving instruction requires a kind of humility that does not come naturally to any of us. It means sitting with someone whose life looks different from yours and deciding that her experience has something to teach you. It means resisting the impulse to dismiss an older woman’s perspective because the cultural landscape has shifted, or because her circumstances were not exactly like yours. The younger woman who positions herself to receive — who actively seeks out the wisdom of women further along the road — is practicing a form of trust. Trust in God’s design for how His people grow. Trust that the woman across from her carries something worth receiving, even if it is offered imperfectly. Mentoring is never a one-way transaction. The older woman pours in. The younger woman receives and, in time, pours out to someone else. That is the chain Titus 2 envisions — and it only works if women on both ends are willing to play their part. A Legacy, Not a Program There is a quiet urgency running beneath the surface of this passage. Paul is writing to a young church on the island of Crete, surrounded by a culture that does not share its values. He knows the faith will not survive on institutions alone. It must be passed on — person to person, generation to generation, woman to woman. That is still the world we live in. And that is still the call. What you pour into the women coming behind you does not disappear when you are gone. It travels forward. The younger woman you invest in today will one day be the older woman someone else is watching. Your faithfulness — your willingness to show up, to be honest, to point back to Scripture when it would be easier to offer platitudes — becomes part of her story. And part of the story she will one day tell. This is the legacy Titus 2 envisions: not programs or curricula or events, but women shaped by women shaped by the Word, stretching backward and forward across generations. So What Do You Do With This? If you are an older woman — or even a woman who is simply further along the road than someone else — start by asking God to show you who needs you. You do not need a formal program to obey Titus 2. You need eyes open to the younger women already in your orbit: in your church, your neighborhood, your workplace, your family. Someone is already watching you. The question is whether you will be intentional about what she sees. If you are a younger woman, start by asking God to show you who to learn from. Look for a woman whose faith you admire, whose life you want to understand better. You do not need her to be perfect. You need her to be willing — and so do you. And if you are somewhere in the middle, you are probably both at once. Receive from the women ahead of you. Pour into the women behind you. That is the posture Titus 2 describes — and it is one the church in every generation has desperately needed. The question is not whether you have enough to offer. The question is whether you are willing to offer what God has already given you — the hard-won wisdom, the tested faith, the scars that became testimony. Because somewhere, a younger woman is watching. And she needs to see that the Word of God holds.  Click on this image for a free download of "My Titus 2 Story". This free one-page resource pairs beautifully with this month’s post. Reflect on the post and how God has used someone to mentor you with their life experience and example. Also consider who God might be calling you to mentor. Then, share your story.  You get an extra free resource this week, because it fits so well as you consider who and how to encourage the younger woman God has put in front of you. A younger woman can do this, too; there is always someone younger than you to encourage (a teen, or a new believer). Click this image to download "A Legacy Letter" and use it to leave your legacy.
2 Comments
To My Younger Sisters in Christ,
As an older woman, I enjoy being a part of your life because I adore you and because God calls me to it. (Titus 2.) You often let me in to your world – I have been to many gatherings where I cannot help but notice that I am the oldest one there! You are gracious to welcome me. I love you and want to “do life with you” as you call it (I call it that now, too, sometimes!) You bless me the most when you seek me out intentionally. When you want advice or a shoulder to cry on or someone to just listen, you have let me in to the deeper struggles in your life and those are burdens I gladly share with you. Thank you for that deep privilege. There are some things that I often hear as I join in discussion with other older women regarding your generation. The older women are good at talking about these things but we are not always good about passing them on to you (as we are called to do as your mentors!) Forgive us for being fearful of going to these hard places with you. We struggle with insecurities just like you do, and often we think we will say the wrong thing, or push you away. We are also very aware that we have plenty of struggles to address in our own lives and we don’t want you to think we see ourselves as know-it-alls. We have, though, walked through more years on this earth than you have. With that walk comes some wisdom. Just a few of these things we are concerned about are on my heart. In love, I want to share them with you for you to pray over, speak with your husbands about these things, and of course seek God in His Word regarding these matters. His Word is sufficient, and it does address everything we struggle with at heart. (My friends reading this, please don’t think I am addressing this to anyone specifically. I am addressing it to all women everywhere.) *We are concerned about your view of relationships. This is due in large part to the presence of technology in your generation that did not exist in our younger years. We are concerned that you sometimes gauge your relationship “success” based on how many ‘likes’ you get or how many ‘friends’ you have on social media. We have the same temptations, but we also remember what it was like to pick up a phone and call those who did not live nearby or put a stamp on a letter which would take a week or so to arrive. That was the extent of our ability to have relationships and we did much more relating face to face. We think technology is wonderful. I use it daily! But the concern is that it has become a place to hide or a place to say things we would never say in person. As my Facebook feed scrolls by, I am often appalled at some of the things I see Christian young women posting. It is, simply put, ungodly. Ephesians 4:29 ~ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. *We are concerned about where you are getting your information that drives your passions (and soapboxes!) So often it is from the internet rather than in God’s Word or from a godly advisor. This is another pitfall we see in social media. It is tempting to post blogs or quotes that are identified as truth when they really are just opinion or bias. These things often cause divisions among Christians, and can be bad for our witness to unbelievers. We are concerned that you (and we) are not always thoughtful or redemptive in the use of technology. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ~ Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” *We are concerned about your tendency to be performance-driven Christian women. Your generation is busier than any past generation. Whether a stay home mom or a working woman, your week is booked solid. There is little time for rest let alone family time that is not scheduled. We see this taking a toll on you, and many of us have fallen in to the same pit of performance mindset. We are concerned for your sake but also for the sake of the Gospel. Performance-driven women are misunderstanding the indicatives of the Gospel and how they cannot be separated from the imperatives. It is in Christ that you are already approved of. Your striving and performance can’t change that approval. There is no more to earn and there is none to lose. You forget this, or you have not studied God’s Word to understand it. It gets lost in the cultural bent towards busyness, and our hearts and churches bent towards legalism. We are concerned that you are not carefully guarding your hearts. 2 Corinthians 5:21 ~ For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. *We are concerned about your generation’s general lack of modesty. Not just your modesty personally, but modesty in general. Our culture is rampant with deviant behavior. True, evil has existed since the fall. But we see more socially deviant behavior than ever, including those who stalk the internet. When we see you post naked pictures of your sweet children, we want you to know that what you see as cute and harmless, someone else sees as temptation. It’s disgusting to go there in our minds, but it is out of caution and protection for the younger generations that we must consider the impact of EVERYTHING we do online. Be careful, ladies, your children must be protected. We are concerned that you might learn that the hard way. We love you enough to caution you to consider these things from older, wiser women who have seen more of sin’s impact on a family than you have so far. 1 Corinthians 10:31 ~ So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. *We are concerned about your priorities and that your home might be child-centric rather than Christ-centered. Our culture tells you to have your children in activities all through the week and often on weekends. Our culture also tells you that you must keep your children happy and shelter them from life’s storms rather than teach them to face the trials in life by knowing God and walking with Him. Decisions are often made according to the impact on the children rather than on the impact on God’s Kingdom and your marriage and future. Marriages suffer because children come first before the spouse. Worse yet, they come first before Jesus. Church is often missed for the sake of the children's activities. This is new to our generation – Sabbath used to mean something and schools and clubs were considerate of church activities. This shift in culture concerns us because we see how hard it is to raise children who love God and His church. We hope and pray that you are evaluating your priorites and choices in light of the Great Commission and the Great Commandment. Nothing else matters more than loving God and others and spreading the Gospel – not even your family matters more than that. We are concerned that this is getting lost as culture takes root in our churches and in our hearts. We hope to see you and your children rooted in The Gospel and The Word of God. Matthew 22:37-40 ~ And he said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets. I am convicted by some of this, too, as I read what I felt compelled to write here. Pray for me. I often pray for you. Let’s keep doing life together, intergenerationally, for the sake of the Gospel! From an older sister in Christ, with love. TITUS 2:3-5 “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”
I have the great privilege of being a mentor to several younger women. It has become a passion of mine to encourage women to mentor the younger generation of women and girls. Of course it does not necessarily take a certified Biblical counselor to address the needs of the younger generation. I do believe that Biblical Counselors are uniquely qualified and positioned to address deeper discipleship needs and life struggles, but so many of people’s problems can be walked through with a gifted and equipped Mentor. I have engaged in intergenerational relationships intentionally over the past few years. God has blessed this in my ministry, and I have seen the fruit of fulfilling my own Titus 2:3-5 calling. If you are not spending some intentional time with women from generations other than your own, you are missing the mark. I believe Titus 2:3-5 is not just a suggestion - it is a command. As I write this, I have asked God to break your heart. He has broken mine - for the things that break His. My heart breaks for hurting younger women - women who have suffered from difficult circumstances, women who suffer from mental illness, women caught up in the bondage of sin and its consequences. My heart breaks for girls - girls who are from broken homes, girls who carry shame from bad choices, girls who feel lonely and insecure, girls who have no one to teach them about Jesus. In order to mentor well, your heart must be broken first. You need only to look around your church to see women and girls who need a Word of hope. Do not be fooled by outward appearances - shame, loneliness, guilt, suffering, and sin like to hide behind a facade. If you are a Christian who can articulate a clear Gospel, with the understanding that it applies not just to salvation but also to sanctification, you are able to share a Word of hope with a hurting woman. In fact, you are called to it. Once your heart is broken, remember The Gospel and all that God has provided for hope and healing. He binds up the brokenhearted and sets the captives free. I want to be in on that Good News, don’t you? What a privilege it is to walk alongside another and see what HOPE God provides for her. Everyone is a younger woman AND an older woman at the same time (unless you happen to be the rare woman who is the oldest and wisest in your sphere of influence!) I once asked a group of 40 women of all ages at a retreat to write on two notecards. One card was to be addressed to the older women (all 40 did this, even the oldest women who felt that some of the others were more spiritually mature even if not chronologically older). We called these older women the “Big Sisters.” As they addressed the older women, they were to tell them what they would like to learn from them. The second card was to be addressed to the younger women. Again, all 40 women did this because everyone has someone who is younger than they are. We called these younger women the “Little Sisters.” They were to give a Word of hope or advice to the younger women. The insights from this retreat activity were more profound than I expected. It broke my heart all over again for the younger generation of women, and it also confirmed my passion to serve them, especially the hurting. We displayed these cards throughout the retreat, but there were a few cards handed to me privately by women who asked that they not be displayed in that context. I have changed slightly the quotes in order to protect their privacy, but the insights are intact. This is just a small sampling of those insights in hopes that it will spark a desire in you to consider the ministry of Biblical Mentoring. I will not be commenting on these insights, because I think that they speak for themselves. May God break your heart for what breaks His. These messages were written as older women to the Little Sisters. “To My Little Sisters” ~ *”Fall in love with Jesus. You are not alone. You have Our Lord with you at all times. You also need to build a relationship with a Big Sister who can show you how to grow up and walk faithfully with Jesus.” *”Find your beauty, confidence, self-worth, and esteem from God alone.” *”I don’t think I have much to offer you. I don’t have a big testimony, and I don’t feel adequate to help you with your life’s struggles. I am so sorry.” *Your identity is in Christ and His love and sacrifice. That’s much more important that any self esteem.” *”I once had an abortion and I’ve never told anyone. If you have had one, please tell an older woman and ask her to help you to heal.” *”Forgive us for judging you. We, too, have our insecurities. Just ask us about that.” *”You will never regret your life, if it is spent following Jesus and seeking His face.” *”Don’t rush through the seasons of your life. They are meant to be enjoyed.” *”Don’t be afraid to come right out and ask me for what you desire from me.” *”Ask me those taboo questions. I won’t be shocked, I’ve had them too.” *”I really do want to spend time with you. I’ve just been afraid to ask. I am afraid you will reject me.” Written as younger women to the Big Sisters: “To My Big Sisters” ~ *”Be a good listener and encourage me.” *”I am afraid of how the older generation will judge me because of my past. How do I get over that insecurity?” *”You seem very busy. I hate to take up your time. I don’t think I am worth it.” *”Teach me how to love someone who says they don’t love the Lord anymore.” *”How do I move on from my mistakes?” *”I feel like I am all alone. I am afraid to approach you.” *”How do I trust God with my children who don’t want to follow Him?” *”I need encouragement through many trials. Please help me.” *”How can I keep my marriage alive?” *”I made shameful mistakes in my past that I am afraid to share. Can I trust you?” *”Why is it that no matter how much we know God, we continue to doubt His purpose for our lives?” *”Please remind me in all my daily struggles how to keep my eyes on the cross and for all that I do and say to be Gospel-centered.” *”I want to hear your life story. I know you have wisdom. Please share it with me.” |
MENTORING THAT MATTERS:
Mentoring at Bridge the Gap matters because it applies all the "one-another" passages in Scripture, which impact the lives of mentees and mentors as they follow Christ. The one-anothers in scripture speak to how we are to relate to and serve our fellow Christians. On Mentoring Matters, we will look at various aspects of one-another care and related topics. All posts are written by Ellen Castillo unless otherwise noted. 
ELLEN'S HEALTH JOURNEY
(not Bridge the Gap content, but her personal journey) Categories
All
|
RSS Feed