This post was first posted at the Biblical Counseling Coalition

Our Goal

As I assign homework to teens, I keep Ephesians 3:17-19 in mind when choosing assignments:
 
“So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.”

The Importance of Carefully Selected Homework

One of the most common questions I am asked about counseling teens is “what resources do you use for homework?” The connotation of the word “homework” is often an issue when counseling teens. After spending a little time discussing why homework is important, they will begin to engage in the assignments as you encourage them.

Homework for teens can include things like Bible reading and memorization, journaling, learning to use online tools to study the Bible, practical assignments related to their current issues, worksheets, etc. There are many options for homework assignments for teens, but I am focusing on just one in this article: books. There are a handful of good teen resources right now that are gospel-rich and applicable to biblical counseling, mentoring, and discipleship with teenagers.
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When I assign a book for homework, I appreciate one that has small chapters and spaces to write answers or notes. This is not because teens are not smart enough for meaty content (I use only content-rich books), but because they have an overload of school homework already and I do not want to overwhelm them with lengthy reading assignments that they will not complete.

RecommendationsThe following books are my latest recommendations:

What Do You Think of Me, Why Do I Care? by Edward T. Welch
This is my most commonly assigned homework book for teens. It is safe to say that the topic of the “fear of man” is a common one in all biblical counseling sessions, and teens have their own particular struggles that manifest from this issue. Insecurity, misunderstanding their identity, peer pressure, people-pleasing, comparing and judging, and various other forms of the fear of man are often revealed in counseling. This book helps the teen to learn about the dynamic in their own hearts that tempts them towards making people the ruling force in their lives. The goal is to guide the teen towards freedom from the bondage of the fear of man. This book is an excellent tool.

This Changes Everything, by Jaquelle Crowe
Written by an exceptionally bright and solid young woman when she was 19, this book was written directly to teens. She has a passion for the gospel and challenges teens to understand that they were created for something bigger than “self.” She points them to the gospel in powerful and engaging chapters. Teens I have taken through this book have been changed as they hear the author’s perspective. They see that they, too, can live lives to the glory of God.

Face Time, by Kristen Hatton
Written specifically for girls, the author focuses on “identity” and the struggle to navigate a world where teens are continually exposed to social media and all of its good, bad, and ugly sides. Many teens are in counseling because they have misused social media, or have been bullied on social media, or simply engage in it as a continual distraction to the detriment of other aspects of life. The focus in this book on identity in Christ is why I have assigned it as homework reading for several girls. It opens the door for discussion about the lies teens believe, and the Truth that sets them free.

Get Your Story Straight, by Kristen Hatton
Because this book has quite a lot of content, I use it for teens who are going to be meeting with me for a while. It is applicable for the teen who may not yet know Christ, to the newer believer, and for a teen who is a more mature Christian desiring further growth. The content offers basic discipleship. This is a unique devotional-style book that can be adapted for your use as needed while addressing topics such as: clarifying the gospel, how our stories intersect with God’s story of redemption, and how to navigate issues of fear, worry, friendships, forgiveness, and much more. This is an excellent discipleship tool for you and the youth you serve.

Respectable Sins (Student Edition), by Jerry Bridges
I have found this book to be useful for older teens who lean towards a more studious approach to their counseling and homework. It is similar in content to the original book Respectable Sins, but geared towards youth. It is very helpful for teaching a teen the dangers of legalism and performance-based thinking.

The Gospel-Centered Life for Teens, by Robert H. Thune and Will Walker
This book is written to be used as a small group or youth group study, but can be adapted to the counseling relationship fairly easily. You might find some chapters useful as homework and discussion in your meetings with teens, and others can be used as a guide for your counseling sessions. The content is gospel-rich and helps the teen to understand the gospel and apply it to their life in practical and meaningful ways.

The Peacemaker (Student Edition), by Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson
The content of this book is what you would expect from the excellent Peacemaker resources. It is very helpful in counseling youth who are in conflict with family or peers. It provides the same principles you find in the other Peacemaker books, but is written with teens in mind. I find this book to be invaluable in my ministry to teens.

80/20 Rule

I was once taught the “80/20 rule” regarding books to recommend vs. books to toss out. The rule is that if a book has 80% great content, it is a keeper as long as you can navigate the problems with the other 20% (assuming they are not major doctrinal or theological issues, but areas where we can disagree with others in the body of Christ.) If the books is 80% problematic and only 20% good content, toss it out. It is difficult to make good use of a book that is weighted so heavily toward lack of good, useful content. I only recommend books that I believe fit the 80% great content rule. You can also use the 20% problematic content to teach discernment to the counselee as you work through a book together.

Questions for Reflection
What books do you find useful in your ministry to youth? What other types of homework assignments do you utilize with teens?

This post first appeared at the Biblical Counseling Coalition

Resistance to Authority
A 15-year-old counselee (“Jen”) informed me that she had no intention of cooperating with counseling unless I would help her to emancipate. I did not agree with her ultimatum, nor did I agree that she should pursue emancipation, but I did agree to research the ins and outs of emancipation. This was not the first teen I have counseled who has mentioned wishing they could emancipate, but this was the first one who was completely serious about it. I needed to educate myself, and so the two of us sat side by side at the computer and looked up the California legal requirements to emancipate.
We learned the following:
To get a declaration of emancipation, you have to prove ALL of these things:

1. You are at least 14 years old.
2. You do not want to live with your parents. Your parents do not mind if you move out.
3. You can handle your own money.
4. You have a legal way to make money.
5. Emancipation would be good for you.

Needless to say, Jen could not make her plan work, because she only met one of the requirements (her age). When she realized this, she agreed to open up a bit about her life. The details of her situation were difficult, and counsel had to be given delicately. There was no abuse as far as I could detect, but there certainly was some poor parenting in the family dynamic (harsh words, lack of support). What was far more important in this situation was what her desire to emancipate revealed about her family dynamic, her worldview, and her heart. “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (Prov. 4:23).
It is not unusual for a teenager to want to move outside of her parent’s authority at some point during the teen years. When she googles “emancipation” she sees it means that her parents no longer have control over her and her decisions. That sounds good to a struggling teenager! Legal emancipation is unlikely in most of the cases we counsel because there needs to be a very good reason for it. Much to my counselee’s disappointment, hating your parents is not considered a good reason.
Clearly there is something deeper going on with Jen. Biblical counseling with teens must target the heart but not before we gain a clear understanding of the situation. A teen does not proclaim her independence because of hatred for her parents without cause. It is important to spend time gathering data. It is possible that a teen’s parents truly are mistreating or neglecting her in some way. This should not be assumed, but it should be investigated through careful discussions with both the teen and her parents. Often the teen is simply displaying a resistance to authority that has less to do with her parents than it has to do with her understanding of authority.
Resistance to authority is where Jen and I found common ground. This is where all of us can find common ground! At the heart level, you and I are no different than my counselee who wants to emancipate from her authority. When we avoid God and go our own way and sin, we are doing the same thing.

The Blessing of Authority
Authority truly is a blessing! My counselee certainly has not seen it this way because she has looked to her parents to meet her expectations. She considers herself a Christian, but she has not yet been discipled in many areas of her struggles. This is where biblical counseling steps in. “Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work” (Titus 3:1).
As we talked for a few sessions, it was clear that my counselee was looking for some sense of peace, but she was looking for it in all the wrong places. She believed that peace would be found in removing herself from authority. As people continued to reject and disappoint her, she became convinced that the only hope was to get out from under the weight of the situation.

Submitting to Authority
​Submitting to God’s authority is the answer to my counselee’s wish to be emancipated. As she surrenders to Him she will be able to come to know the peace that is only found in Him.
Authority is a hard concept for many, not just teens. Walking carefully through Romans 13 with a believing teenager can be impactful as it teaches that God’s call to show love, honor, and respect to others represents how God designed His kingdom to function. According to Scripture, authority ought to be submitted to, because all authority has been established by God (Rom. 13:1). This includes one’s parents, regardless how badly a teen wishes to escape this fact. A teen must also come to realize that rebelling against (or trying to run from) authority is rebelling against God (Rom. 13:2). These are hard but necessary truths when you are walking alongside a teen who wishes to emancipate.
It is helpful to teach a teen that despite what may be truly poor parenting (I am not talking about abuse here), God assures us that respect, kindness, and submission are part of His plan (1 Thess. 5:12-18), and failure to follow this plan results in further decline of the family relationship.

Rejecting God’s Authoritative Word 
After counseling Jen for a few weeks, she fled. She wanted so badly for counseling to offer her an escape, but she was unwilling to receive counsel unless it would help her to emancipate. Her parents would not partner with me in the counseling process, and it seemed as if so many strikes were against Jen. Ultimately, she quit keeping her appointments and I have not heard from her since.
Pray for Jen, and scores of other teens who are suffering in difficult parental relationships and feel that there is no escape. Jen may give a verbal profession of faith, but she is still resistant to authority. In her lack of spiritual maturity, she struggles to find the purpose in her suffering and to look beyond her circumstances towards the hope found only in the gospel.

Questions for Reflection
Have you known a teen who wants to emancipate? Were you able to offer hope and if so, how? Have you seen a bit of yourself in Jen, too?
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Fear Leads to Resistance
 
Fear of man is the primary reason that teens resist counseling. This is revealed in a variety of ways, but some of the most common are:

• A teen often has a perception that counseling is a form of punishment. They see the counselor as another parental figure and are therefore resistant to counsel.

 

• There is a stigma that comes from the idea of "counseling". Preconceived ideas or past negative counseling experiences often cause resistance. Sometimes they feel embarrassment.

 

• Young people want to be understood, but are often convinced that adults are incapable of it. This leads to distrust, which creates resistance to counseling.

 

• The resistant teen often feels extreme insecurity, wondering if they are the "only one" who struggles, which leads to feeling hopeless. This "why bother" attitude leads to resistance.

 
In order to be prepared to encounter a resistant teen, it is helpful to gather data from the parents before you begin meeting with the teen. It takes some digging in to their history in order to get an overall view of the teen. Teens are often unreliable historians because of their limited perspective and resistance to counseling.
 
Here are a few questions that are important to ask the parents:
 
Have there been any major changes in her life recently?
Has she had trouble like this before, or is this a new problem?
Has she ever been diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder? Is she medicated? Ask for details.
How well does she cope with school, peers, church life, hobbies, sports, etc?
Is there anything going on in your marriage or home life that could be troubling her?
What behaviors are you most concerned about? (Defiance, isolating herself, mood swings, suicidal, substance abuse, sexually acting out, etc.)
 
The parent's perspective on these types of questions gives you a good starting point when approaching the resistant teen. With this kind of background, you will know better what direction to go in your initial discussions. That will be critical to building some trust.
 
A Resistant Teen
 
Here is an example of a counselee that was initially resistant to counseling. Ahead of the initial session, the mother told me that this teen was failing in school, angry and defiant with both parents, isolating herself from the family, and she had told a teacher that her mother hit her (which was true, resulting in a CPS investigation, which led to the counseling referral.)
 
This 14 year-old girl walked in to my office, looked around as if to take note of some Christian themed decor, and before she took 2 steps she pronounced "I am an atheist". She looked surprised when I invited her to have a seat as I told her "that's ok, I look forward to getting to know you, and I was one until I was 30 years old."
 
Behind what she meant to be intimidating and off-putting to this biblical counselor, I could hear the fear. She clearly hoped I would be offended and excuse her from the session. Instead, I invited her to tell me her story.
 
She talked of troubled relationships at home, insecurities at school, conflicts with peers, and insistence that at age 14 she feels quite ready to be emancipated. Her reasoning for rushing her independence is, she stated, to “get away from the people who are causing all my problems.” She told me that she does not need counseling, and that she only needs to be rid of her parents. This unearthed a long story of family dysfunction and trouble on many levels.
 
I listened, interjecting heart-probing questions, and listened some more as I allowed her to tell me what is troubling her. She eventually broke down in tears and I was able to ask her if she knows about the gospel. She said yes, because she has been in church most of her life. She told me she remembers Awana verses from years past, and has always attended Sunday school. And then she admitted that she is not really an atheist, but “I was hoping you would be mad when I said that and then I would not have to stay in counseling.”
 
The Gospel Breaks Through Resistance
 
By the end of this first session, we were able to begin the process of seeking God’s Word to address her fears. We began with a basic teaching about the fear of man...what it is and how to address it. Galatians 1:10 gave us a good starting point.
 
"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." Gal 1:10, ESV
 
This led to a discussion about the details of the gospel, which she understood intellectually but admitted she is not certain she really believes it. Because she had shared some of her story, we could start to discuss how her story fits in to the story of redemption found in her Bible.
 
She had softened to the counsel, I believe, because we were able to get right to the heart issues. Because I had the background from the parents, I was prepared to address her fears and give her hope. The fear of man is a very relatable issue because it is common to all of us. We began to talk about the ways it manifests in people's lives and I briefly shared some of my own struggle with it so that she would see me as a mentor more than an authority figure. The beginning of a potentially fruitful journey together began that day. We did not get to every discussion needed to address her struggles, but we did get to the gospel and she was listening.
 
The gospel breaks the barriers of resistance with teen counselees.
 
Psalm 34:4 " I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."
 
Join the Conversation
 
What other causes of resistance have you experienced in discipling teens, and how did you address it?

​NOTE: a version of this post first appeared on the Biblical Counseling Coalition blog.

It is a Gospel Issue
 
As I approached writing this blog post, I asked my 18 year old daughter for input. I asked her what she would like counselors, youth workers and parents to consider on this topic. She said this:
 
“Body image issues are common, all girls struggle with it. Some of the prettiest, thinnest, and most attractive are the ones who have the most discontent with their bodies.”
 
Then she made this important point:
 
“A girl will never achieve what she feels is a perfect body now, but she need to realize that her body is made for greater purposes than just looks or sex. It is made for childbearing, and for taking the gospel forward.”
 
My daughter hits a key point - this body image struggle is a gospel issue.
 
It is a Matter of the Heart
 
Psalm 139:14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
 
The conventional thinking is to blame “self esteem”, the fashion industry, culture, social media, poor parental examples, etc. Although some of these things are the external factors, they are not the real culprit of our teen's body image issues. The real culprit is: the heart of the teen.
 
The heart of body image issues in teens reveals the FEAR OF MAN. That fear manifests as perfectionism, insecurity, and peer pressure. The teen will strive hard to achieve the impossible, and they are dissatisfied because they never reach the perfection that they think will make them more popular, more acceptable, or more worthy.
 
No one will ever be satisfied or content with their body if they are not completely satisfied in Christ. Our souls thirst for satisfaction, and we are prone to search for it in idols rather than in the gospel. Both believing teens and those who do not know Christ struggle with this dissatisfaction (as do adults!) For the believer, though, the satisfaction they long for is already in their possession because they are in Christ. It boils down to the sin of unbelief. Does the teen truly believe that their identity in Christ is enough, or do they believe that they need to strive to earn approval? Unbelief must be repented of regularly. This is where a teen will find victory over the idol of perfectionism and be truly satisfied in Christ.
 
It is Not a Hopeless Struggle
 
Matthew 6:19-21 Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
 
There is hope and help for teens with body image struggles in the gospel. As we disciple teenagers, we must focus on identity in Christ rather than focus on human standards. The goal is not body-change. The goal is heart-change.
 
Hope for all people is found in God’s Word - regularly reading it, meditating on it, memorizing it, and studying it deeply in order to go to the root of heart issues. This is the only way to renew the mind to bring about true heart change.
 
The teen must also be encouraged to grow spiritually by being involved in a local church, engaging with strong adult influences (mentors, youth workers, parents, teachers, counselors and others.) They must be taught to choose their friends wisely. They must become good stewards of their bodies and engage in good healthy habits (which is different than obsessing over appearances.) They need help to minimize (and sometimes completely disengage from) the most negative influences that have tempted them towards an improper view of their bodies (social media, entertainment, unhealthy peer relationships, etc.)
 
Above all else, they must have clear gospel-understanding. Heather Davis Nelson in the Journal of Biblical Counseling says it well:
 
“In pursuing worldly beauty, we strive to become this elusive image in place of who we really are. You and I are created in the image of the living God. Our purpose is to reflect His image to the world. But since the fall, we let the world inscribe its image on us. It is the very picture of sin and ultimately death. Instead of being transformed to God's image, we conform to the world's image. We are hopelessly stuck in a lifeless cycle, exchanging God for the creature as our object of worship. But God in His mercy rescued us! In love, God sent Jesus Christ to take on the consequences of our idolatrous affair. He became sin so that we might become righteous. In Christ, God gives us freedom from sin's power now and hope for its eradication in heaven. God makes you beautiful with the beauty of His Son, Jesus. It is in gazing at God's image in Jesus Christ that you are transformed. Romans 12:1-2 says, “Therefore, I urge you, (sisters) in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
 
It is Your Titus 2 Challenge
 
Titus 2:1 But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine.
 
We are all called to teach the younger generation, according to the second chapter of Titus. Counselors, parents, mentors, youth workers, teachers: reach out to struggling teens. Be intentional about getting past the surface behaviors and go deep in to the heart of a teen. Begin with evangelism if needed, and then deeply disciple youth for the sake of the gospel. In discipleship with teens, adults are tempted to focus on externals rather than the heart. It can be helpful to utilize gospel-rich resources to keep your discussions deeper than the surface so that the teen might be changed at the heart-level.
 
This topic is far bigger than a limited blog post, so I share here with you some resources to get your conversations with teens started:
 
Recommended Scripture to unpack with a struggling Christian teen:

• Psalm 139:14, to understand that God made us without mistake.
• 1 Samuel 16:7, to understand that God looks at the heart, not outward appearance.
• Luke 16:15, another look at God’s view of the heart.
• 2 Corinthians 4:16, to understand that our spirit is being renewed even while our body is wasting away.
• 1 Peter 3:3-4, to understand that no matter what is achieved physically, it is the heart that is precious to God.
• 1 Tim 4:8, to understand stewardship of the body in proper perspective
• Proverbs 31:30, to understand how God views a woman.

Recommended Resources:
 
What Do You Think of Me, Why Do I Care, by Ed Welch
 
Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling Youth, by Keith R Miller and Patricia A. Miller, chapter on “Eating Struggles”
 
For eating disorders: Redeemed From the Pit: Biblical Repentance and Restoration From the Bondage of Eating Disorders, by Marie Notcheva
 
Additionally, be sure to seek a Biblical Counselor for a teen or parent who needs further help with this or any other struggles they are facing.
 
Join the Conversation:
What challenges do you have in your interactions with teens who struggle with body image? What other resources have you found helpful?

​NOTE: A version of this post first appeared on the Biblical Counseling Coalition blog.

We Have a Creative God
 
When counseling teens, it can often help to approach sessions and homework assignments differently than with adults in order to keep them engaged, interested, and even willing to come back. There are benefits of offering creative outlets within the context of biblical counseling sessions.
 
In Biblical counseling we often bring God's attributes to bear on our counselee's struggles. Within those attributes we find that our God is a creative God.
 
God is most certainly an intelligent, creative artist. We are His masterpieces (Psalm 139:14). There are a variety of ways that God shows us His creative attributes. Beginning with the creation story in Genesis 1:1, we see that creativity is an integral part of the biblical narrative. Art in various forms has been used through the ages as a means of expression, to document history, to provide practical tools for daily living, and more. (Exodus 35) For many, creativity is an act of worship as God-given talents and skills are imparted by Him to bring Himself glory (Psalm 150:1-6).
 
God has given us many creative abilities. He has given us art, music, writing, building and more. We can utilize creative activities in Biblical Counseling, especially with young counselees who do not respond well to a conversational style of counseling.
 
I am not suggesting that we utilize creativity as a means of accurately interpreting a person's struggles. I am suggesting that creativity in counseling can be used as a means to open up discussion on pertinent topics as we seek to apply biblical solutions.
 
Creativity is a Tool in Counseling Sessions
 
In my counseling sessions with teen girls in particular, I have found that incorporating creativity has been beneficial.
 
There is nothing inherently biblical in the actual creative means you utilize in counseling, but there is still value in it. For example, the completion of a creative assignment can be satisfying to the counselee. A sense of accomplishment is affirming. Or a teen may find that they can stick with a task to completion when the have been unsuccessful at that in school before. Problem solving skills can be developed through creative activities such as learning to do an art project or writing project. Often people find that the creative process relieves stress and has certain health benefits. However, none of these benefits are enough reason to include them in biblical counseling sessions. They are simply a tool that can bring insight in to the heart of a counselee in a unique way.
 
Teens have felt less threatened about maintaining eye contact as they work with an art medium while we talk, whether or not that art pertains to a topic we are discussing. For young people with poor ability to concentrate on a discussion, doing something with their hands while talking can often help them to maintain that discussion.
 
Creative outlets lend themselves to the discussion of the many ways God has gifted us. It can also be a way to discuss how creative God is. This is a good starting point for teaching about God’s character. This is a valuable topic for all teens, especially those who have not yet understood the gospel.
 
The creative task can be geared towards the topic in counseling. For example, while talking about a biblical definition of “the heart”, the counselee can draw and decorate a poster of a heart with the Scripture references written on it. This is often my first creative activity in counseling girls and it is typically well received. They are instructed to display it on their wall to refer to for future homework assignments on heart-related topics. This kind of creative activity in the counseling session carries over in to the homework and engages the counselee differently than just talking. An ongoing creative project helps to motivate a young person to return to counseling and engage in the process more fully.
 
Practical Suggestions
 
To provide you with more specific and practical suggestions, here are a few creative activities to use in counseling youth:
 
Poetry can be assigned as homework. This can be topical or freeform, and can provide you with something to springboard in to a discussion. You may find that you can discern some deeper heart issues in the poetry.
 
Short stories can be utilized in the same way as poetry. You can ask for a story that pertains to a certain theme, or you can allow the counselee to write what they wish and then discuss it as it applies to their current life struggles, and then look at the biblical applications.
 
Music is more interesting than art to some. Listening to and or composing lyrics or discussing songs and how they apply to life can be fruitful.
 
Craftwork such as pottery or jewelry making, or artwork such as coloring sheets, collages or diagrams that reflect a teaching can reinforce a concept better than a worksheet might.
 
Popular right now is what some call “Bible Art Journaling” where drawings are done right on the Scripture to reinforce content and engage with the Word in a creative way.
 
Art can be done digitally with a photo-editing program, adding Scripture or text to pictures that reinforce counseling topics.
 
Bookmarks to color can add to discussion of a Bible reading assignment.
 
Utilize various forms of journaling homework, and decorate the journal as you talk. Many are more likely to use it if they have made it their own. Some teens have difficulty speaking with you, but will do very well drawing or writing creatively in their journal to express their thoughts to you.
 
Regardless what creative activity you choose, use great tools. Gels, stickers, paint pens, glitter pens, small items to glue, these are all things that add to the enjoyment and benefit of creativity in the counseling session. Have some simple craft supplies handy to do while you talk such as stringing beads for jewelry, modeling clay, etc. The art itself is not the point, but it can remove the threat of a counseling conversation to have something tangible to work with. Equate this to any ‘doodling’ you might do while you talk on the phone or listen to a podcast.
 
Don’t hesitate to enjoy the creative activity along with your counselee, it creates a connection between you that can be helpful!
 
Join the Conversation
 
What other means of creativity have you utilized in counseling young people? What benefits have you discovered?
 
​Note: a version of this post first appeared at the Biblical Counseling Coalition blog.

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Insights from a Counselor’s Life

Proverbs 16:9 "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."

Occasionally people will ask me what I do as a Biblical Counselor and what a typical day looks like. That is impossible to answer because every day is different. I am giving you a snapshot of what happens in just one random weekday in my life. If you are wondering what it is like to be a Biblical Counselor, maybe this will give you some insights.

6:00 a.m. - A text message arrives, startling me out of a deep sleep. It is from a a young woman I am counseling through a very difficult divorce situation. She is having second thoughts as she considering returning to an unrepentant abusive husband. I remind her of the things we have discussed in our sessions. She just needed to know I was praying for her. I don’t mind waking up early. Biblical Counseling is intensely relational and i avail myself 24/7 (with a few appropriate boundaries set.) It is my ministry.

6:15 - I can’t go back to sleep even though I had planned a morning off. I get up and head downstairs for the things that are essential to the beginning of my day:
*Ipad with Logos Bible software
*Coffee

7:30 - After prayer and Bible reading, I start checking emails. I see several that will need to be answered today. I get started so that I can finish them by the end of the day since it is a three day weekend and I want to spend the time with my family. But wait - wasn’t this supposed to be a morning “off”? I don’t mind the emails. It is my ministry.

I spend some time throughout the morning with my daughters who are both at home working through some school work. I grab the moments with them off and on all day so that we stay in communication. My girls are very independent (almost 17, and 19) but they also enjoy time with their mom. We talk about every topic you can imagine and then we go on with our days. I love time with my kids. It is my ministry.

By noon, I am headed to my office at the church. There are counseling appointments to prepare for because they begin right after school. Teenagers need late afternoon appointments due to school schedules. I am privileged to serve many teenage girls. It is my ministry.

As I am preparing (pulling possible homework assignments for the girls who are coming that day, reviewing my notes from prior sessions) my pastor asks to speak with me. We spend about 45 minutes talking through something that came up and needed more clarity. I did not plan for this distraction, but my pastor is really no distraction at all. It is my ministry.

2:00 - Back to the counseling prep. The phone rings. A woman is seeking counseling for her depression. We get acquainted for a few minutes on the phone and make an appointment for next week. I hang up, and pray for her, asking God to protect, encourage, and comfort her while she waits to see me. These phone calls are often the beginning of God-ordained relationships for the purpose of serving others with Gospel-centered care. It is my ministry.

I get distracted by a text message sound. It is from my daughter who attends the local college. She is excited to tell me about a good meeting she had. I then text my younger daughter, just to check in. She’s fine, she says. Contact with my children is no distraction at all. It is my ministry.

2:30 - Back to the counseling prep. I get distracted by the “ding” of my Facebook messenger, and I check it. It’s a woman from my church asking to get together to talk over some concerns of hers. I write back, and we set a date for coffee tomorrow. It really is no distraction at all. It is my ministry.

2:50 - Back to the counseling prep. I get distracted again, this time by my dad calling. I always answer him if I am not in a counseling session because I am his primary helper. He doesn’t understand “wait until I am not so busy,” so I pick up the phone. He is just lonely and wants to tell me about his day. I listen and remind myself to keep a grateful heart that I get the great privilege of tending to my elderly father in this season after the death of my mom. This “distraction” is really no distraction at all. It is my ministry.

A text from my husband comes in - “what are we doing for dinner?” “I have no idea,” I answer. He says he will go to the store to pick something up. He’s great like that - he and I both work hard all week and we share the load. He does laundry every day. Yes, I am a blessed woman. Hearing from him is no distraction at all. It is my ministry.

3:15 - 15 minutes left before my first teen counselee arrives. Final prep is done, and I’m ready. After a cup of coffee and a quick check of my Facebook feeds. There is a question posted on my business page, so I take a minute to reply to it. I enjoy connecting with people from all over the globe. It is my ministry.

I get a text from a close friend. She would love to meet for coffee this afternoon. I tell her that today is my “marathon counseling day." I stay late to see all the teen girls I am counseling once a week. So we make a breakfast date instead for tomorrow. I purpose to intentionally make time for my friends through the week. They don’t realize this, but they are a critical part of my ministry. Without them, I would be way too serious, too self-focused and lose perspective. They sharpen me, laugh and cry with me, and let me in to their lives and I love them dearly. There is always time for friendship if we choose it. I choose it. Friendship is no distraction at all. It is my ministry.

I say a prayer for my counselees who are about to walk in. I ask The Lord to set me aside so that it is only the Spirit Who is the true Counselor. I ask for wisdom, insight, and discernment. I ask for clarity. I ask for these young ladies to have courage to be honest with me, knowing that they possibly won’t be. It’s ok, I tell them, God is patient and because of His Spirit in me, I can be patient, too. Secrets that result from shame take time to surface. I pray that they will surface so that we can apply The Gospel and God’s Word and watch Him change their hearts. He will. In His timing, not mine. Prayer is essential. It is my ministry.

3:30 - 7:30 - Three back to back counseling sessions. This is not how I schedule the rest of the week - I would not have the stamina for that much intensity more than once a week. Counseling is intensely draining and nobody can withstand more than a reasonable amount of sessions in any given week. Being involved in this front lines kind of ministry is hard on one’s own soul without proper time management and perspective. Without the Holy Spirit, I would not do what I do. I am not smart enough without Him. He speaks clearly in the sessions, and a little more progress is made in all three hearts. As we counsel, I hear myself say things that I, too, need to hear and apply in my own life. I am sure to offer an appropriate amount of transparency with my counselees, but not so much that I am making this about “me." I am, after all, a sinner just like them. I have many of my own struggles and we can always relate. We all agree to meet again next week. God has once again amazed me with how He knits our hearts together as these are girls and women that I would otherwise never get to know. In my office it feels like a safe warm sanctuary to many. Only God can do that. Thank You, Jesus. (One of the girls confessed a sin she has been hiding from everybody for a year. She weeps, and I cry with her. This particular girl has become precious to me after many months of counseling together. Now God can begin His healing work in her heart. I stop right there and pray that she will clearly understand that she is forgiven in Christ.) I grow to love the people I serve. It is my ministry.

I type up some notes to reflect what we covered in the sessions, and what progress has been made. I note some things that I want to address next time. I send a follow-up email to one of the parents, asking if they could accompany their daughter to the next appointment to work through some family dynamics together. I thank her again for allowing me the great privilege of walking alongside her daughter in this season of healing from her past. I also remind her to remind her daughter to do the homework I assigned because the homework takes her to God’s Word where her true counseling happens between her and The Lord. I have been showing her how to interactively study what He has to say about her sin and her suffering. Counseling is more than just one session. It is the preparation and prayer ongoing as well as the connection and relationship between sessions. It is my ministry.

7:45 - I head home. Exhausted. Thankful. Blessed. Amazed that God would use someone like me to help others with His Word. I am just as hungry and thirsty for help from His Word as my counselees are. I end the workday in awe of The Gospel that not only saves us, but changes us in this daily process we call sanctification. 

I eat a late dinner, sit down with my family who all happen to be home this night, and relax with our favorite show on Netflix. Later, I do some reading for the next book I will review. I love to research resources for counseling and mentoring. It is my ministry.

Before I go to bed, I open my laptop to look at tomorrow’s calendar. It will be a different day than today. I will be working on a new writing project, doing some social media marketing, and checking in with my Board of Directors. No counseling tomorrow - it is going to be a day that is all about the business end of running a Nonprofit ministry. And breakfast with my friend! 

I also notice an email from a colleague that I want to address right away because I want to always be attentive to those who have come alongside me and have been giving me opportunities to write, speak, and promote Word of Hope Ministries online. I pinch myself again because these opportunities are not things I would have sought for myself, but I am blessed to go where God leads. It is my ministry.

My days are varied. No two are ever the same. I juggle many business and ministry tasks and somehow it all gets done with time left for family and friends. I often ask God to “multiply my time” and He is faithful to somehow do it. I can’t explain it, but I am grateful for it! 

Life as a Biblical Counselor is good. God is good. It is HIS ministry.

Galatians 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."